no titled Christmas

Christmas, a time of year
Christmas, a sucky cheer
Christmas, young and old
Christmas, too late and sold

under tree, one present lies, in my heart a great surprise
wishing you were here, to share this moment that i tear

waiting patiently!
waiting anxiously!

I sit and stareeeeeee

my phone rings...
could that be you
could my dreams finally come through?

i know we disagree
i know we wish to be free
but patiently, anxiously, we will make it through

because... i will always be there for you


XOXOXO
poem by Angela Adams

Cat Steals Healthy Vegatable

Although kitties are known for being independent and ignoring the presence of a human being, I have come to the conclusion that they are not only aware of our presence but, these feline specimens are misunderstood. Just now, a few moments ago, I noticed that my bowl of sweet snap peas had been raided by a four-legged silent ninja with fur. Not only was he silent but, he had used his sharp ninja skills to snatch an innocent victim for his digestive system of doom. Now, first off, why on earth would a cat be interested in my sweet snap pea? My conclusion; tell me if I am wrong, that he wasn't attracted to this human delicacy rather, he knew it was my "snap pea" and was going to be mischievous and steal it in order for my attention and make me be forever entertained. This my friends is a classic feline trait and should be embraced and warned to those who wish to adopt these classic, mischievous, curious, destructive, entertaining (beyond all means), and one of the most therapeutic four legged companions for those who wish not to be worshiped.

Have you ever felt like...

Have you ever felt like crying?

Have you ever felt like a piece was missing?

Have you ever felt happy and sad all at the same time?

Have you ever felt empty?

Have you ever felt...

like dropping everything for someone. Ever felt like making a fool out of yourself to make someone laugh or to dream about stroking your fingers through their hair or laughing at them because they know exactly how to strike hope in your decisions through life? have you ever felt like a faded rose when you are miles apart but warm in the inside because you feel their presence? Ever felt like a thunderbolt hit you each and every time your lips touch or the worst possible day you have you can't see yourself doing anything other than being in their arms and knowing they would be there for every drip of mucus you cough up?

My fellow readers... i am sorry if none of you felt that way. sounds miserable, aint it? ha! i read it and i feel sorry for that person who has to go through that. HAHA! But yet?! I don't feel so bad... because I know... they have love. Love hurts. and thats the truth: it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. sometimes it might seem like that statement is not true but... it is. LOL

anyways,

Happy Birthday to ME!

and goodnight!

NEW Bucket list for 2010 europe trip!

OK NEW BUCKET LIST: it may be weird and some things not interesting but, in my mind, it sounds fun! haha. mmmmmmm... kind of scared of the walking dead tour... *kirnge*... maybe I'll skip that one.. :(

• TRAPEZE *CHECK*
• CLIFF JUMP
• WALKING DEAD TOUR *CHECK*
• SWING DANCE IN GRENOBLE
• ISLAND HOP IN GREECE *CHECK*
• WAKE UP EARLY *CHECK*
• HIKE RANDOMLY *CHECK*
• FIND A KITTY IN FRANCE *CHECK*
• STYLE SOMEONE'S HAIR *CHECK*
• SURVIVE A TAXI *CHECK*
• WINE TASTE IN FRANCE
• GETTING LOST IN VENICE *CHECK*
• TEACH SOMEONE ENGLISH *CHECK*
• FOLLOW A DOG *CHECK*
• PICK UP NEW HOBBY *CHECK*

MY TRAPEZE EXPERIENCE!

lol.... I finally did it, folks! Dang, I'm awesome! *sighs* *admires self*

Well, today was the day. Woke up. Left to go get coffee. Came home, and it hit me... TRAPEZE TIME! OH SNAP! I was late. Printed my tickets. Put on workout pants. Left the house. Drove as calm as possible. Arrived at the Emerald City of Trapeze. Ran inside. Instantly, I was admiring this huge space of net and random wires above my head. I looked at the steal plank in the middle of the room high up. "It's not that high" I told myself. Only 30 feet-ish!

The lady at the front desk got me all set with permission slips and "if you die it's not our problem" papers... I signed them with a huge smile on my face and the look of... "I have no idea what I'm in for" attitude. (Oh, I had no idea that I was going to freak and squeal like the tiny lil girl I know is inside of me) At that moment, the Lady asked me to join another innocent victim on the stretching mat. I bounced my way over. We were all introduced to the calm smiling instructor. I began to stretch my arms and role my shoulders anticipating the strain of doing crazy stunts. My attention was then captured by an amazing Trapeze artist swinging gracefully back and forth on the bar and landing perfectly on the net. His body was at ease and completely under control. He didn't even have a harness on. Unbelievable! He gracefully did a flip off the net and introduced himself.

The instructor showed us the proper way to have our hands on the bar and described our first "trick". I was thinking... "i just started this, he thinks I can do what on my first time?" ha.ha. He buckled up the girl to climb a 25 foot ladder and off she went following all of the commands as if she had already knew what to do. A graceful flip off the net finished her 15 seconds of fame. *GULP* Now my turn. I climbed up the ladder which started to shake nervously >_>. Got up to the platform, grabbed this taped wire and was given more instructions with the trapeze guy who i saw when I walked in. He talked me through things, corrected my posture, and belted me to lines which were controlled by my instructor below. At this point i was feeling sick and just wanted to get down. The experienced trapeze man behind me holding me tightly, said, "ready.... hep!" (which means to bend your knees and hop off the platform)... apparently that's the way to go... oddly enough I just stood there... (hahaha.) Trapped in myself I couldn't find the guts to do it. He again said, "ready...(i bent my knees)... hep!" (still didn't go) I laughed to reduce stress and said in my head "I'm not going to think about it, I am just going to hop and see what happens." Finally, after his command, I hopped into the non existing pressures of atoms. Soaring through the air feeling the weight of my body being taken through an automatic course dismissed all my anxiety about climbing the ladder and hanging my toes off the platform. There was nothing under me but the safety net, the feeling of freedom was not only amazing but indescribable. I felt extremely calm. I decided no to do any tricks for my first few jumps. I glided back and forth just hanging there. My instructor told me to do 3 quick kicks which, I did into a backflip landing on the safety net. :D I was sooooo nervous for having the best time of my life! I grabbed the net and gracefully flipped over. Feeling like I could survive another one I proceeded up the ladder! >_<

For some reason, maybe the enderolin, I thought it would be fine up that high off the ground. Again, I was nervous. Each time it got easier and easier for me to climb the ladder but, once I was up there I felt sick and wanting to get down. >_>

My first trick was to pull my knees to my chest and wrap my legs around the bar, then let go of the bar... (which was fun) and put hands back, feet off the bar and flip down to the net. haha! tons of fun! but, getting to that part was the hardest part. I am not going to lie. Each time my instructor would encourage me to do even better and wouldn't push me any further than I would go! :) They told me I had GREAT FORM (pointed feet and legs together) it must be the ballet I've been taking. heehee.

After accomplishing my new awesome stunt and feeling confident they decided to have me graduate from my "training wheels" and be caught by a guy who will be swinging and catch me right as I let go of the bar and swing to the other side. >_> In my head I'm thinking "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! I'm having a blast JUST doing this stuff. Why would I want to exceed that?" lol. I climbed the ladder feeling disturbed and crossed. These people were looking out for me. They cared about me, right? Their just gonna sit and watch me DIIIEEEEE???? *sigh* I gulped. Grabbed the bar once again. READY...HEP! Off I went into the sky flying with ease. Wrapped my legs around the bar. Let go of the bar. Swung my hands out and there he was. All time was paused... His hands reaching out for me to grab. He seemed so far away. I didn't think he could touch me. Time played again and My fingers grabbed his. I was so close... yet, so far. :( I then proceeded with my stunt down to a flip and figured out that it was my hands that were in the wrong position! I tried 2 more times and gave up. I thought about it and basically I was happy I wasn't caught. lol I am proud of myself and knowing that I did it makes me feel accomplished! woot woot!

I came home with scrapes, bruises, and an amazing worth while story! I will be doing it again when I come back from my trip so my mom can come and take pictures! woot woot! :) maybe she'll join me!?! who knows?!

Suffering never leaves

You know those poems and songs that talk about a broken heart? About the pain they went through or the "sorrow" they felt. Well folks, it's alive out there and riding my shoulder. >_>

Now matter how far i run i always seem to be stuck in my tracks with these pains running through my heart. *weeps* inside i feel like a hot plate and the burner is flaming through my heart! My poor heart has been through so much and at last it seemed to seal itself... so I thought. *sigh* instead I find myself peering over and glaring the worst possible thing in the face. "What if?" i tell myself... >_> *sigh* The feeling is so real yet I feel like no has had this sharp dagger through their heart. Mine comes and goes... I have good days and I have bad. Recently I've been fine but, my trip has opened up that wound and I accidently poured lemon juice on it! ugh, the pain!

You may laugh and most will never understand. I feel sick. I feel like hiding. I'm shaky and weak not to mention cold. *holds self* I understand why people should never depart each other. ooooo... it kills. :( no smily face can show the feelings... I would only get in trouble if I announced everything. I just wish someone would understand. *tear*

Packs

Every good traveler must have a good pack... right? well, I was over in REI and this guy gave me great advice on which back pack i should have. he started telling me about this pac. I thought "My gosh this is the one." Opens on top (good for holding and horriable for stealing, a plus), it is 33 liters (can hold lots of stuff), very durable (wonderful i dont have to worry about falling and scraping it and all my things falling out), water resistant (awesome, a quick dip in lakes, rivers, and pools or whatever else i fall into wont ruin EVERYTHING), and the best part is the color scheme... BRIGHT COLORS (when i drop the bag, i can find it!). So, he shows me this bag and i gasp and laugh. i could imagine myself with it and being stuck on the escelator (dunno why i would have it with me on it), trees, bushes, doorknobs, railing, doors, anything that can catch. this pack had soooo many drawstings it looked like my cat, charlie, shredded it! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... well, who knows it will give me a good laugh and maybe amuse the natives! hahahahahahahahaha

Planning

No one told me that planning a trip would be this difficult. ugh!

first, i had to figure out what times I'm going to be staying. CHECK!

second, where am i going? CHECK

third, how long will i stay in one location?

-are there girl dorm rooms available?

-when are the times and dates for the sights?

-blah blah blah. then i go into transportation, then times for that, sleeping arrangements

DONT FORGET FOOD... does the hostel provide breakfast or any other meal, if not, budget how much it will cost for each day and pray for a low cost hostel with food, sheets, girl dorms, and wifi.

haha. this will be worth it and fun. i just think that all this is overwhelming. then, if that weren't enough i have to think of what to bring. Right now i'm figuring out what ear plugs to bring (lol, im picky). I can't help being a girl! >.<>

mmmmmmm... i may write a song about this. it shall be called "packing." haha.

I DID IT

wow. i actually did it.

I joined a ballet class (i am doing excellent)

I quit my job (actually i got"laid off"* <----- means I got fired in korean term)

and I BOUGHT MY PLANE TICKET!

wow. not only that but i've checked out many schools and found one! holy crap I'm proud of myself.

lol. it's amazing what just two weeks can change someone's life. AMAZING!!!!!

i wonder sometimes why I even write. Does anyone read these? haha.

hmmmmm... i even got a ticket to do a trapeze class. I'll do it next week. haha

OKIE DOKIE! NEW GOALS!!!

GOAL #1: DANCE!

GOAL #2: GET NEW JOB!

GOAL #3: BUY PLANE TICKET

GOAL #4: MAKE RESERVATIONS

GOAL #5: LEAVE TO EUROPE!

NEW YEARS!

lol oh yes, another year! haha

well there is usually something you differently and goals you would like to reach. well, i'm wayyyyy ahead of the game. I do GREAT finically (getting a new job soon), My weight is perfect (signed up for a ballet class on the 4th), and my schooling is done. I just need to travel which i have no plans now. :( sadness. haha! heehee. new year's resolution! ha!

ok. i figured it out: must get traveling plans and get to it! hmmmmmmm.... following through, always a struggle for me! lol LOOK a shiny sparkly object!!! *where?* lol

my oh my, i hope i get to do all the things I have wanted to!